


pride is not the word i'm looking for

by earthlinglia



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Amy Santiago Loves Jake Peralta, Episode: s07e13 Lights Out, Family Fluff, Gen, Jake Peralta Loves Amy Santiago, Jake Peralta has ADHD, Jake Peralta is a good dad, Kid Fic, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Amy Santiago, Parent Jake Peralta, Post-Season/Series 07, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-29
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:48:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23903365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/earthlinglia/pseuds/earthlinglia
Summary: (there is so much more inside me now...)A (hopefully) chronological collection of vignettes following Jake, Amy, and baby Mac, because it's 2020 and everything is terrible and we all need some wholesome.
Relationships: Enigma Linetti & McClane "Mac" Peralta, Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta, Gina Linetti & McClane "Mac" Peralta, Jake Peralta & Everyone, Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Kate Peralta & Jake Peralta, Kate Peralta & McClane "Mac" Peralta, Kate Peralta/Original Character, Ray Holt & Jake Peralta, Ray Holt & McClane "Mac" Peralta
Comments: 48
Kudos: 101





	1. family time

**Author's Note:**

> yes the title is a hamilton reference, sue me.
> 
> I'm just going to assume for this that Mac was born the day that Lights Out aired: April 23rd, 2020.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens after Jake watches the Push It video...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place April 23rd, 2020

Amy can’t help but roll her eyes as she takes Mac from her husband’s arms and he starts watching the video, but once “Push It” starts blasting from Rosa’s phone, she sneaks a peek over Jake’s shoulder and bursts into a fit of giggles. In all of the “excitement,” she’d forgotten how funny the dance actually was.

“Someday,” she whispers to the little bundle in her arms, “we’ll show you this video of Uncle Terry and Captain Holt. We’ll have so many stories to tell you about the day you were born.”

An arm wraps around her shoulders. She looks over to see that Jake is once again beaming at her and their son.

“You’re not going to watch it five more times?” she asks.

“Oh, no, I plan on watching it at least _twenty_ more times,” says Jake. “After we get back from the hospital. Rosa’s going to send it to me. Or should I say, Tia Rosa.”

“I thought you were going to be--”

“Nope,” Rosa interrupts. “I only said that to mess with Boyle.”

~~~~

Jake is almost through changing his first ever diaper when his phone starts ringing. The second he cleans his hands off, he answers it. “Hello?”

His mother’s voice trills through the phone. _“Hi honey, we’re at the hospital! What room are you in?”_

“I--what?! Hold on. I’m in the middle of a diaper change.” He swaddles Mac back in his blankets and lays him down in the bassinet. “You’re at the hospital?”

_“Well, yeah! You texted saying that you’d had the baby, so I rounded up Victor and Camila--”_

“Wait, what?--you brought Victor and Camila? You’re all here? Dad too?”

_“Yes, and we want to meet our grandson! What room are you in?”_

“Jake?” Jake looks over to see that Amy is sitting up in bed and rubbing her eyes. “What’s going on?”

“Our parents are apparently all here.”

 _“What?!_ Oh, no, no, they can’t be here yet; I’m not ready--”

“Ames. Ames, it’s going to be fine. It’s okay.” Jake walks over to the bed and sits down on the side of it, taking Amy’s hand. “They can come up, they can meet the baby--who is in a new diaper with a perfectly clean bottom; I told you I could handle it--and it’s all going to be fine. They’re just excited to meet their grandson.” Jake leans over and kisses the top of Amy’s head. “It’s fine, babe. I promise.”

Amy sighs, but then she nods. “Okay. I’m ready. But can you go get them and bring them in? I need a second.”

“Yeah. Yeah, of course. But before I do…” Jake scoops Mac out of his bassinet and hands him to Amy. “I just needed to see my wife holding our son. Okay, we’re good. Be right back, love you, bye!”

Amy smiles softly as Jake leaves the room. “That’s your daddy,” she whispers to Mac, kissing him on the forehead. “I hope you end up just like him.”

A few minutes later, Jake reenters the room, both sets of parents in tow. “Alright, everyone, this is your grandson. McClane Raymond Santiago-Peralta. Mac for short.”

Karen rushes to Amy’s side. “Oh, Amy, he’s so beautiful!”

“Thanks, Karen.” Amy gives her a tired smile. “You wanna hold him?”

“Oh, I’d love to!” Karen leans down so Amy can pass the baby to her. “Hey, little guy, I’m your nana.”

Victor and Camila approach the bed to hound Amy with questions, leaving Jake and Roger alone. They stand next to each other in silence.

“Congratulations,” Roger says after what feels like an eternity. “You must be happy.”

Jake’s eyes remain fixed on Mac, now being cooed at by his _abuela_. “Thanks. I am.”

“I know I failed you as a father, but I hope I can do right by your son.”

That gets Jake to turn his head. “Yeah. I hope so too.”

“Jake.” Victor beckons him over from Amy’s bedside. Jake smiles at Victor and walks away without acknowledging Roger further.

~~~~

The parents-turned-grandparents leave after half an hour or so. Jake waves goodbye but then turns to stare out the window.

“Jake?” Amy asks tentatively. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I think.” Jake pauses for a moment and then turns around. “I guess I wasn’t ready to see my dad yet. He said he hoped he could ‘do right’ by Mac. What does that even mean?”

“Well, that’s something you get to define for him,” says Amy. “Mac is your son, not his.”

Jake walks back over to the bed and sits down next to Amy. “Yeah. You’re right. But I’m not ready to do that now, either. Right now I just wanna hang out with you and our super-awesome kid.”

Amy smiles at him. “Sounds like a plan.”


	2. breathe easy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac is a fussy baby.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place April 2020 - Mac is 1 week old

Mac Santiago-Peralta is a fussy baby.

Jake has assured Amy about a thousand times that it’s nothing serious, that they’re doing absolutely everything right, and that when Mac does begin crying, he’s easy enough to calm down. That doesn’t change the fact that Amy isn’t occasionally overcome with anxiety when her child cries for no reason.

Which is why, when Mac starts whimpering for the third time in one night, and Amy blinks her eyes open to go take care of him, Jake puts a hand on her knee before she can stand up.

“I’ll take care of him,” he murmurs. “Go back to sleep.”

“Are you sure?” she asks.

“You just fed him half an hour ago, so he’s not hungry,” Jake replies as he gets out of bed. “And that’s the only thing I can’t handle on my own. And hey, once you start pumping, I’ll be able to handle that as well. Go back to sleep, Ames,” he says again. “I’ve got this.”

By this point, Mac is full on wailing. Jake quickly runs a hand through Amy’s hair before walking over to the bassinet and scooping Mac into his arms. “Hey, little buddy, what’s going on?” he whispers. “C’mon, let’s go for a walk.”

A quick sniff of his baby reveals at least one problem, and luckily, Jake has become a master at handling that one. Within a few minutes, he has Mac in a clean diaper, but as Jake tucks him back into his swaddle wrap (which, what an amazing invention), it becomes clear that a dry bottom won’t be enough to settle his son. So he scoops Mac back into his arms and starts walking around the apartment.

“Y’know, usually when I’m pacing around the apartment, I’m trying to solve a case,” Jake muses, shifting Mac so he can rest his head on Jake’s shoulder (his favorite position, unless he’s eating). “But your mommy doesn’t want us talking about cases in front of you. Which makes sense. That stuff can get really scary. So we’re not gonna talk about that. Instead… we’re gonna talk about how great you are. Because you really are great, y’know that?” He kisses Mac’s head and then begins to gently bounce him as he continues walking around the living room. “Yeah. You really are. The greatest kid on the planet, if you ask me. Then again, I might be a little biased.”

He feels a wet spot on his shoulder and can’t help but smile. Apparently, Mac has a _thing_ for sucking on his shirts. They’ve tried a variety of pacifiers, but so far they haven’t seemed to appeal. Jake’s shirts, however…

“There you go,” he murmurs, snuggling Mac closer to him. “You like that, huh? You like my shirt? Well, if that helps you feel better, you can have as many of my shirts as you like.”

Mac dribbles on his shirt, and Jake’s suspicions are confirmed: the day Mac was born, he grew a second heart just for him.

Smiling to himself, he starts to sing.

_Breathe easy, darling, it’s okay  
Everybody has bad days  
Though now you feel such sorrow  
Tomorrow will be better, guaranteed  
I swear, my love, it’ll get easier, you’ll see _

It’s like a secret between himself and Mac. As far as he can tell, Amy has no idea that he does it. He’s sung in front of Amy before, obviously; he breaks out into song all the time, but singing specifically _to_ Mac is something that thus far, he’s kept to himself. Partly because he’s still a little afraid that Amy might laugh at him, but mostly because he likes having something that he shares just with his son.

_Breathe easy, darling, you’re alright  
This’ll soon be out of sight  
Til then just ride the ocean  
Emotions, gotta feel ‘em, that’s the key  
I swear, my love, it’ll get easier, you’ll see _

Amy yawns as she steps out of the bedroom. She had tried to fall back to sleep, but was unable to. Hopefully, a cup of water will help. And, as an added bonus, she’ll get to see her husband and her baby--her absolute favorite thing to see.

The first thing she notices is that Mac is no longer screaming, which is a relief.

The second thing she notices is that Jake is _singing._

_Breathe easy, darling, I’m right here  
And I’ll help you persevere  
There’s nothing we can’t weather  
Together, you can always count on me  
I swear, my love, it’ll get easier, you’ll see how _

_The summer sun that shines on you  
Loves you so and I do too _

Cup of water forgotten, Amy leans against the kitchen counter and watches in awe. Jake is clearly oblivious to her arrival as he gazes down at Mac with pure love, pure adoration in his eyes. Mac, meanwhile, is dead to the world, his tiny cheek pressed up against a sizable wet spot on Jake’s shoulder. Amy can’t help but smile, knowing that Jake has long stopped caring about the ever-growing pile of ruined T-shirts.

God, she loves them both so much. Her boys.

_Breathe easy, darling, don’t be scared  
Of the great big world out there  
I know it’s new and confusing  
But choosing who you are and what you’ll be  
I swear, my love, it makes it easier, you’ll see _

Jake lets out the tiniest sigh as he realizes that Mac has fallen asleep in his arms. Amy stays perfectly still and perfectly silent, not wanting to break the spell, not wanting to embarrass her husband after he’s done the single sweetest thing she’s ever seen.

“Sweet dreams, little buddy,” Jake whispers. “I love you so much.”

It’s only when Jake walks back into the bedroom to put Mac back in his bassinet that he notices that Amy is missing. He turns around to see that she’s standing in the doorway, beaming at him.

“How much of that did you hear?” he asks.

“Enough,” Amy replies. “Do you sing to him often?”

“Sometimes.” Jake walks over to the bassinet--away from Amy--and lays Mac back down, sneaking a quick kiss to his forehead before turning back to his wife. “He seems to like it.”

“I think he loves it,” says Amy. “You have a really nice voice, and he loves you.”

“Pretty sure he loves you more,” says Jake. “You do have the food.”

 _“Jake.”_ Amy gives him _the look,_ the one she gave him on the roof before her sergeant’s exam. “It’s not a competition. He loves us both. And we both love him.”

“Yeah.” Jake looks back over his shoulder, and then back at Amy. “You’re right.” He steps to the side so Amy can lie back down before lying down himself, spooning her from behind. “I love you.”

He can tell that Amy is just on the verge of sleep, but he knows she heard him, because she whispers back an “I love you too” before drifting off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact: Jake is actually singing a song that I wrote for my friends' baby. also, the thing about Jake growing a second heart just for Mac is something that my dad says about me.


	3. baby + bullpen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jake returns to work for the first time since the birth of his son

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place April 27th-May 1, 2020 - Mac is 1 week old

“Hey, Jake.”

Jake looks up to see that Terry is leaning against his deck. “Oh, hey there, Loot.”

“You holding up okay?”

The response is instinctive, automatic. “Yeah, why?”

“It’s your first day back at work since Mac was born.”

“Oh. Yeah. That.”

“Look, man, I get it,” says Terry. “My first day back after Cagney and Lacey were born, all I wanted to do, all day, was go back home to be with them and Sharon. It was a little easier with Ava, because I’d had some practice, but it’s still hard. But you’ll get used to it.”

“Thanks, Terry.” Jake pulls his chair out a bit so he can face Terry better. “I gotta say, having Amy Santiago be the mother of my child makes it a lot less stressful. She has a whole baby routine planned out and posted around the apartment. She’s so smart. She’s such a great mom. I love her so much.”

“Routines are a good thing to have,” Terry agrees. “We learned that the hard way with Cagney and Lacey. Just between us?” He leans a little closer. “That big birthing plan binder that we had for Ava? I got that idea from Amy. There was another one at home that we used when she was born. It made everything so much easier.”

At that, Jake grins. “I would say that I won’t tell Amy you said that, but I have to. You know I have to.”

“Yeah, I know. I gotta get back to work, but if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.” Terry gives Jake a pat on the shoulder. “You’re doing great at this. Mac’s lucky to have you.”

“Thanks, Loot,” Jake replies. He’s not sure if he means it.

A few days later, Jake is finishing up some paperwork for a B&E when the elevator dings and suddenly everyone starts clapping. He looks up to see Amy walking into the bullpen, Mac snuggled in his extensively-researched carrier.

He leaps to his feet. “Ames! I didn’t think you were coming in.”

“I wasn’t planning on it, but Mac and I both really missed you,” Amy explains. “Hi.”

“Hey.” Jake kisses her softly before looking down at Mac. “May I?”

“Of course.” Amy carefully lifts Mac out of the carrier. “Look, Mac, it’s Daddy.”

“Hey, buddy,” Jake coos as he scoops Mac into his arms. Mac immediately begins sucking on his plaid shirt. “Oh--oh, kiddo, that’s one of my work shirts… y’know what, never mind. I have plenty. You missed me, huh? Well, I missed you too.”

“I went to see my squad on the way up,” says Amy. “I gotta say, Gary took the fact that I had a baby surprisingly well. I don’t know how I expected him to react, but he was totally normal about it.”

Just then, Holt steps out of his office. “Sergeant Santiago. I was not aware you would be visiting today. Is everything alright?”

Amy nods. “Just popped in for a visit. Thought it was time for Mac to see the precinct.”

“I see...” Holt walks over to Jake. “Peralta, I hope you know that you will not be able to have your child in the precinct on a regular basis.”

It takes a few seconds for Jake to look up. “I know I can’t, sir. This isn’t exactly a great place for a baby to hang out. Right, Mac? All these silly people who make bad choices and all this gross stuff everywhere. It’s much more fun at home.”

Mac continues sucking on Jake’s shirt. “Y’know, you only ever eat my clothes,” Jake muses. “I have never once seen you try and eat your mama’s clothes. Not once. What’s that all about, huh? You won’t take a pacifier--he spits them out, every time we try and give him one, and he never eats Amy’s shirts. Ever.” Jake looks up at Holt. “I can’t tell if you’re amused or if you’re not listening, Captain.”

“I cannot tell if you are talking to your baby or to me.”

“… both? Hey, stinker, stop sucking on my shirt for a second and say hi to Captain Holt.” Jake carefully shifts Mac in his arms. “Say hi to Captain Holt, buddy.”

“Hello, McClane.” Holt pauses for a moment. “May I... hold him?”

“Go ahead.” Jake gives his son one more kiss on the forehead before passing him over. “You’re really never gonna call him Mac, are you?”

“If, when he learns to speak, he asks me to call him Mac, I shall,” Holt replies. Jake turns toward Amy and sticks his tongue out. “I saw that, Peralta.”

“Yeah, alright.” Jake. He lightly pats Mac’s back. “That’s classic Captain Holt for you right there, buddy.”

“I am surprised you have not given me a familial nickname,” says Holt. “You have, after all, dubbed the rest of the squad as aunts and uncles.”

“Oh, well, we figured that would be too informal for you,” Jake replies. “Y’know, robot captain, always playing by the rules--”

“--Kevin has already purchased us two ‘Number-One Grandpa’ coffee mugs and has a photo of McClane on the mantelpiece next to Cheddar.”

Jake’s eyes widen. “Seriously?”

“Yes.” And then Jake watches as Raymond Holt does the unimaginable: he kisses Mac’s forehead and begins to bounce him in his arms.

Jake looks over his shoulder to see if Amy’s watching and  _ oh,  _ he has never been so in love because she has her phone out and Jake knows that she’s taking a video. He grins at the camera before stepping back to put an arm around his wife’s shoulders.

“So that’s my dad, holding our kid.”

“Yes, hello there, McClane. You may call me ‘Grandpa Ray.’”

_ “Oh my god.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ask for Raymond and ye shall receive!


	4. auntie (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mac meets his Auntie Kate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Kate; I just HAD to include her!
> 
> Takes place in August of 2020 - Mac is 3 months old

“So, Kate texted me today. She wants to know when she can come meet Mac.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah—hang on, gotta take this out of the oven.” Jake bends down and pulls a baking dish out of the oven. “Let’s see, the greens look just about done, and the rice…” He lifts the lid off of the rice cooker and gives the rice inside a taste. “Perfect. You ready to eat, Ames?”

Amy looks down at Mac. “Yep, he’s asleep. Finally. I was getting worried there. He usually is so ready for a nap when he comes home from daycare.” She carefully puts Mac in his bassinet. “Dinner smells awesome, babe. Thanks for cooking.”

“I was looking at some of those websites you were talking about, the ones about what nursing mothers should eat,” Jake explains. “So we’ve got salmon, leafy greens, and whole grains. Let’s just hope it came out good.”

“I’m sure it’ll be delicious,” Amy reassures him, walking over to the table (already neatly set, god she loves her husband). “So, you were saying, about Kate?”

“Yeah. She said that she figured we would probably want some space first, just to get into a routine, but that she was really excited to meet her nephew.”

“That’s thoughtful of her,” Amy replies. “More thoughtful than my brothers, that’s for sure. They’ve been smothering me since she was born.”

“Kate’s really calmed down a lot,” Jake muses. “I think Riley’s been really good for her. They want to come too, by the way. Is that alright with you?”

“Yeah, of course. Maybe in a week or two? We got that new officer today and I’d like to help her settle in a bit more. Her name’s Marisol, by the way, and she’s awesome. A bit of an Amy, though.” Amy smiles, remembering her first day as a sergeant. “Not as bad as Gary, though. I don’t think anyone could be as bad as Gary.”

“Yeah, but you said he was doing really well now, right?” Jake asks.

Amy beams. “He really is. I’m so proud of him. He said today that he’s interested in the detective track, so I’m going to talk to Captain Holt about that tomorrow… yeah, can we wait a few weeks before having Kate over?”

“Of course, babe. Whatever you need.”

~~~~

Amy sighs in relief as she hears the door opening. She knows she shouldn’t have been worried; Jake’s picked Mac up from daycare plenty of times, but it was on short notice, and he had to pick up Kate and Riley at the airport, and what if—

“We’re home!” Jake half-sings, and already she starts to smile and relax. He walks over to Amy and immediately Mac reaches for her. “Looks like he wants his mama.”

“And mama wants him,” Amy replies, snuggling Mac close to her and showering his face in kisses. “Did you have fun in the car with your daddy, Mac?”

“We had fun,” Kate calls from the couch. “I got to sit in the back with Mac and we became best friends.”

“Oh my God, Kate, Riley, I’m so sorry—”

“It’s fine,” Riley reassures her. “Baby comes first. You and Jake do what you have to do; Kate and I are fine.”

“Actually, if you want to look through our takeout binder and pick a place to order from, that would be awesome,” says Jake. He pulls out a medium-sized binder and hands it to Kate. “All of the places in this binder are good. They’re organized by cuisine and then by name.”

“How was pickup?” Amy asks as Kate and Riley begin looking through the binder. “Was he okay?”

“He was okay for pickup but we now have an assignment,” Jake replies. “Apparently he had a really rough afternoon because Keisha had to leave early for a doctor’s appointment. Amanda said it could just be that Mac didn’t like the change in routine and not getting to play with his favorite teacher—”

“—That tracks,” Amy laughs.

“It does, but it could also be that he’s still having a little trouble with object permanence—Ames, it’s okay,” Jake says hastily when Amy’s eyes go wide. “He’s not dangerously behind or anything like that; he just needs some practice. Amanda said that if we make a point of playing hiding games with him every day, then that should help him get that down. Oh, and also, we’ve already had some practice today.” Jake reaches over and rubs Mac’s back. “Hey Mac, did you have fun playing peekaboo with Auntie Kate?”

“And also, follow-up question, do you want to play more?” Riley interjects. “Because I also want a turn.”

“They came in with me to pick him up, so they heard the whole conversation,” Jake explains. “Kate played peekaboo with him the entire car ride home.”

“I told you we were best friends,” says Kate. “Auntie Kate for the win.”

“See? Ames, it’s going to be fine. Amanda told me that every baby develops differently, and it’s nothing to worry about.”

At that, Mac coos and smiles at Amy--something he has started to do in the last few weeks--and Amy can’t help but relax. “Okay.”

Jake grins and kisses his wife’s cheek and then his son’s. “Alright. You get Mac down for a nap, and Kate and Riley and I will get dinner squared away.”

“Okay, babe.”

~~~~

“Alright, he’s asleep,” Amy says as she walks back into the living room. “He fell asleep pretty quickly. I guess he was tired after all that playing. Anyway. Kate. Riley. It’s great to see you!”

“It’s really nice to meet you,” Riley replies. “I know we’ve FaceTimed a few times but it’s great to meet you in person!”

“We already ordered takeout,” says Jake. “Chicken enchiladas are on the way.”

Amy sits down on the couch next to Jake and immediately rests her head on his shoulder. “I love you so much.”

“Because I bought you chicken enchiladas?” Jake laughs and wraps an arm around his wife, kissing her temple. “Okay, I’ll take it. I love you too.”

“So, how’s parenthood treating you?” Kate asks. “Mac is so cute and he was so excited to see Jake when we got there.”

“He definitely loves his daddy,” Amy agrees. “Jake was on the receiving end of his first smile. But  _ I _ was on the receiving end of his first laugh.”

Jake smiles, but when he thinks Amy isn’t looking, he mutters a quick  _ he likes my shirts better. _

“That daycare looked amazing,” says Riley. “Does he like it?”

“Oh yeah, he loves it,” says Amy. “It’s actually the same daycare that our friend Gina’s daughter goes to.”

“Speaking of which, I talked to Gina, and she says that she’s able to pick Mac up on Wednesdays and Fridays so you can teach that seminar next month,” Jake interjects. “However, she did tell me to let you know that Friday afternoons she does carpool singalongs with Iggy for her Instagram page and that she will not be changing that just because Mac is in the car.”

“Awww, that’s so cute,” says Kate. “Mac will be an Instagram star!”

Amy sighs. “I don’t love the idea of Mac being on the internet that early, but I trust Gina. And it will be really cute.”

“I think it’ll be fine,” says Jake. “And Mac already loves music, so I bet he’ll get a kick out of it. And it means he’ll get to have some fun with Iggy and Gina.”

He’s about to say something else when there’s a knock at the door. “Looks like our delivery is here,” he says, and he jumps up from the couch. As he walks away, he catches a glimpse of his wife, now chatting away with Kate and Riley about his son’s latest antics, and he can’t help but smile.

This isn’t the family he expected, but it’s the family he’s got, and it’s  _ toit AF. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> before you ask: yes, Gina will be in the next chapter. I gotta say I am PUMPED to write her.

**Author's Note:**

> tumblr: hyperchaoticstarlight  
> feel free to send me ideas for what to include in this fic! my ask box is always open or you can drop suggestions in the comments.


End file.
